What's So Bad About Being Shrunk Down to Exterminate Dracula's Demonic Crotch Crickets?

A hack of Jared Sinclair’s

What’s So Cool About Outer Space  

For the eponymous Game Jam

NOTE: also compatible with the rules from Figment and Clown Helsing!
NOTE: it's a short game so the whole thing can be viewed in the screenshots to the right. You can still pay me though, if you have a sudden and uncharacteristic fit of decency.

CONTENT WARNING: crab lice, genitals, blood, pustules, clowns, outrageous violence, humiliation. Please consider “Safety Tools.”

They say if you come at the king, you best not miss.

  You tried to slay Dracula.

  Unfortunately, Dracula is merciful. He also scheduled a famous erotic painter for tonight and needs emergency manscaping.

  Coincidence?

  In return for sparing your life, you must rid his undead undercarriage of a chronic case of love lobsters feasting on his unholy blood.  

His mad scientists have shrunk you down to bug size and sprinkled your assault party on his pallid taint.

  The creatures stir.